the shadow of egypt

"The path to the afterlife as laid out in the Egyptian Book of the Dead was a difficult one. The deceased was required to pass a series of gates, caverns and mounds guarded by supernatural creatures. These terrifying entities were armed with enormous knives and are illustrated in grotesque forms, typically as human figures with the heads of animals or combinations of different ferocious beasts. Their names—for instance, "He who lives on snakes" or "He who dances in blood"—are equally grotesque. These creatures had to be pacified by reciting the appropriate spells included in the Book of the Dead; once pacified they posed no further threat, and could even extend their protection to the dead person."

- Wikipedia

“Your endowment is, to receive all those ordinances in the house of the Lord, which are necessary for you, after you have departed this life, to enable you to walk back to the presence of the Father, passing the angels who stand as sentinels, being able to give them the key words, the signs and tokens, pertaining to the Holy Priesthood, and gain your eternal exaltation in spite of earth and hell” 

- Brigham Young

"Therefore shall the ... trust in the shadow of Egypt [be] your confusion."

- Isaiah

I've been watching videos about Bohemian Grove. For anyone who doesn't know, this is a two-week retreat that the most powerful men in the world all attend in order to do all their plottin' and schemin'.  The retreat culminates with the "Cremation of Care" ceremony:


Attendees have included George W. Bush, Richard Nixon, Eisenhower, Reagan, um, pretty much every important person ever. All of the most evil plans get hatched here. Our country is literally run by evil people. Aight peace

"Heaven and earth are impartial. They allow all things to die." ~Lao Tzu

Preach it, Lao Tzu. The Buddhist principle of impermanence has helped me a lot, coming out of Mormonism. In Mormonism you're taught that you can only be happy if you live forever with your family. I think a lot of people have trouble leaving because they can't come to accept that their life will end at death. The truth that we all have to come to grasp is that things end and there's nothing we can do about it, so we might as well accept it. But there is so much beauty that can be found in infinite moments, moments that touch the divine. These moments connect to things that are eternal. Truth, beauty, wisdom. But like Solomon said, "all is vanity." All will vanish. But it's all good tho #yolo

When Buddha was going to die, one of his followers asked him who should lead them when he was gone. This is what he told them:

"O Ananda, Be ye lamps unto yourselves. Rely on yourselves, and do not rely on external help. Hold fast to the truth as a lamp. Seek salvation alone in the truth. Look not for assistance to any one besides yourselves.

"Those who, either now or after I am dead, shall be lamps unto themselves, relying upon themselves only and not relying upon any external help, but holding fast to the truth as their lamp, and seeking their salvation in the truth alone, and shall not look for assistance to any one besides themselves, it is they, Ananda, among my bhikkhus (monks), who shall reach the very topmost height! But they must be anxious to learn."

In order to reach true happiness we must become lamps unto ourselves. This is the same principle that Jesus was teaching when he went around telling people that those who drank from his presence were drinking from a well that would never run dry, and that they could have this as well.

Stopping believing that everything happens for a reason is essential. What this really is is a kind of flattened way of thinking. It's manifest destiny, the thinking that led Columbus to kill all those people and take their land. It's what made people think the universe revolved around the earth. It's ego. It's It assumes that you know everything, or at least something. The way to get over a mistake is to realize that there are no mistakes, because nothing is really supposed to happen one way or another. But when it comes to love it's just so much harder to accept that.

It's like when Jesse and Celine in "Before Sunset" talk about how they'll just end up hating each other probably, but at the end of the day you just know that's not true. I think that's what's great about those movies, they really make you feel that some magical things like destiny, love, even love at first sight are possible. Even though it sets it in a very skeptical and pessimistic universe. I wanna write like that. But anyway. The dark ages won't be over until the majority of people realize that there is no special rhyme or reason to the events that happen in life. Everything has a cause, but the cause precedes the effect. It is not pre-destined (unless it is formulated by a conscious mind).

The way to have the well that never runs dry is to kill the ego and die to your past self and be reborn in every moment of your life. Never cling to any opinion or idea that you have, always be willing to throw it in the garbage when new information comes along and even then never think that you know anything for sure. But it's good to have principles. Pillars, gems of wisdom that you can hold onto in life (unless they prove themselves to be false). They're like theories, but rock-solid ones. It's good to build a house on rock and not sand. Iron rods. The golden rule is a good one. Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. Everyone's equal, pretty much ends up being the gist of it.

For me, the reasoning behind that is that none of us chose to be here. In Mormonism, everyone fought in a war in heaven before we were born and so when we were born, we basically have earned our lot in life based on how valiant we were in the war. But in reality, everyone was dragged into this world kicking and screaming against our will. So we all kinda have the same right to be here, and at the same time we never asked to be here. So I definitely think that everyone should have the right to live in total abundance (in the same class level), because that's what the earth provides for.

“Massive poverty and obscene inequality are such terrible scourges of our times, that they have to rank alongside slavery and apartheid as social evils. Poverty is not natural. It is man-made and it can be overcome and eradicated by the actions of human beings.….While poverty exists there is no true freedom. Sometimes it falls upon a generation to be great. You can be that great generation. Make poverty history. Then we can all stand with our heads held high.” -Nelson Mandela.

So Republicans, let's stop talking about "work ethic" because honestly, to me that is code for master race talk. It's the same exact thing, because you're talking about the survival of the fittest. That's not what Jesus talked about. He said that since we have left the garden of eden, we have evolved past the animals, it's our responsibility to think on a higher level. We are not subject to the laws of the jungle anymore, or at least we don't have to be.

In closing, my friend just got back from living in Africa and confirmed for me that this is a real thing:

 found the following on tumblr. made me very sad for this girl...

There is so much I need to repent for…it makes me so sick.

I am so incredibly nervous for tuesday. I know my bishop won’t judge me but I HATE myself for all the things I have done. I keep feeling satan justifying everything for me..saying “hey its okay it was years ago” or “hey just say little details about it”

I keep letting myself believe its okay to only tell him half truths…but I will NOT serve a mission unworthy. Heavenly Father has given me this beautiful opportunity to serve HIS children. The ONLY way I can survive through this mission and give his words to those who he prepared to hear it is by doing EVERYTHING HONEST.

Kneeling before my Father tonight…I have decided to tell the bishop the FULL truth to everything I have done. I will NOT let the adversary justify my actions as okay. I just can’t wait til all of this is off my chest and I can have all these burdens removed.

I can testify of the beauty of this though. The Savior gave me everything on that cross, he suffered so incredibly much for me so that I could partake of such a blessing as repentance and the sacrament. How would he feel if I didn’t partake of this that he so willingly gave to me….how can I say I love him so much when I don’t even utilize the one thing he offered to me so freely because he LOVED ME.

I challenge all of you to do the same. We are all not perfect, but I can say we can achieve perfection, little by little.

her email is shannastlaurent@gmail.com; you can email her if you want to try to stop her from telling this 
middle aged dude all the intimate details of her sex life like we're in fucking iran or something

World peace.

There is only one way to achieve peace, and that is through freedom. The symbolism of the ring of power dropping into Mount Doom and dissolving. All authoritarian power structures, all tyranny and lordship, erased. The end of patriarchalism. This isn't going to happen without a fight. The powers that be aren't just going to stop destroying the earth and ruining the lives of its inhabitants as long as it benefits them greatly to do so. We have to rise up and make it happen.

I've been thinking...if you were to ask any Mormon if they were for or against world peace, what do you think they'd say? Probably FOR. But that's because there are two ways of achieving peace, and one is an illusion. The way that Mormons want to achieve it is through everyone on the planet becoming Mormon. Hence, the intense missionary effort and the baptizing of dead people. Total, universal conformity in mind and action. A Nazi's wet dream.

The other way is through the opposite philosophies, the philosophies of freedom, which are the philosophies of Jesus and the founding fathers of the United States. More freedom = more peace. Not control. The difference is the difference between believing that people are basically evil or basically good. If you believe that people are basically evil, then you believe that people need to be changed from what they are into something better. If you believe people are good, then you don't have to really govern them. It's the governing that actually causes the problems.

The idea that one state or religion could take over the whole world is the overall permeating fantasy of Mormonism, and it is a useless one. If we as Mormons really want to change the world for the better and have world peace, we not to stop going around telling people what to do and just help people. Instead of building a 3 billion dollar mall and other stupid things that Jesus Christ would truly facepalm at, let's go to third world countries and help create self-sustaining infrastructures for millions of people who are dying. There are holocausts in this world that are happening because of poverty and we're doing nothing about it. Ugh. It hurts me to much to write these words because I feel like they're so true but so few people will ever actually see them. I just have to try to make a change through my films.

stuff.

A lot of people tell me I should move on. Like, I write about my experiences in the church and some people are like, I think you should get on with your life and write about something else. And these are the friendly ones. Some people say things like "people who leave the church can't leave it alone," as if that's proof that when you leave you become an asshole. I'm sure church members see people who have left and are angry as like, evil people. I used to. 

The thing is, we can't leave it alone because in a way, at least at a certain point when we're leaving, it's literally all we have. When you're Mormon and you leave, it's like smashing a wine bottle and you have to build another wine bottle to catch the wine before it hits the ground. But the new wine bottle does form, almost automatically.

I reblogged this on Tumblr today and I thought it applied to this stuff.

I think that in losing one's god, one loses one's entire self. This is why, Osho says, Nietzsche went mad. He didn't have zen to go to. In the summer after I left Mormonism (Summer 2011) I sat in my room all day and sucked in zen buddhist philosophy and the theories of Joseph Campbell and Carl Jung. I feel like I have experienced what Buddhists call "the great death," a spiritual event that essentially dissolves the static idea that you have of who you are and what you can do, and opens up a whole new world alive with possibilities. I think this is also what the Christians mean to do with baptisms. A rebirth.

See, there were a few things that I was so attached to in Mormonism that I couldn't bring myself to live without. I need these things to function, and I think everyone kinda does. I've just come to have different undrstandings of them.

Ritual.

I definitely think ritual is an essential part of a society, but it has lost its usefulness at the moment because no one is using it properly. The function of a baptism is about the most useful ritual I've seen in Mormonism, but my favorite ones have been the Masonic ceremonies. They have way more fun death and resurrection parts. Anyway, ritualistic practice has been used from time immemorial to help mold the growing ids of the members of the tribe. The problem is that in our temples right now we're inculcating the people with a patriarchal, authoritarian agenda and this needs to be changed. We are waking up to the fact that all of this is meant to be taken metaphorically, but at the same time it exists in a very real way inside of our minds. 

"Myth is the public dream. Dream, the private myth." 

-Joseph Campbell. 

I think new ritual must be created. If we are entering into the age of Aquarius, as some say, I think the symbols of the two ages are apropos to what is happening to the consciousness of the people in regards to ritual and doctrine. We are moving from the fish (The Age of Pisces) to the water-bearer (Aquarius. If you believe that malarkey). In the previous age, men were fish in water. But now we are the man carrying the water; we can create our own myths and rituals according to what we have discovered to be right, not the old morals that we have been force-fed. 

Christ.

As a Mormon, there was a lot of emotion wrapped up in this archetypal image of Christ in my head. Basically, for me, Jesus Christ always represented the ultimate personification of compassion, empathy, selflessness, humility, grace, and unconditional love. The problem with Mormonism is that it doesn't actually put you on a path to BE any of these things. They tell you to be these things, but they don't actually have the knowledge of how to become like Jesus. They have boiled it all down to the magic tricks that he does in the Bible. Water into wine, walking on water, healing the sick, raising the dead, suffering for our sins, and coming back from the dead. You're supposed to get really watery-eyed when you talk about all this in church. Okay, so the reason that they hit so hard on all of these points is because this is the part of religion that has always been used to suppress the people. It's really just the same sun god religion passed down from Egyptian times. 

The reason that Jesus was crucified wasn't because he was half super-alien and therefore the universe needed someone to suffer all of the negativity in the universe or else bla bla bla. God, I used to twist my mind in such science fiction-y ways to try to make Mormonism fit in there. If there really was a guy named Jesus who got crucified, I think that story can still be useful to us as a nation and as a people. First of all, the teachings of Jesus are probably the purest, best moral teachings anyone has ever given anyone ever. He was for total non-vioence, taught that everything is one, he basically just got it. Thomas Jefferson made his own bible by cutting out the "diamonds in the dunghill" of the bible and pasting in essentially the teachings of Jesus. So what is this "Christ" business all about? Honestly I think that what Christ is is whatever principle in the universe allows us to love ourselves unconditionally. Leaving the garden of eden (growing up) is accompanied by feelings of shame. But we can enter back in and eat of the fruit of life if we simply decide to walk back in and say "Hey god! I actually don't care if you see me naked. Don't really need these Mormon garments anymore." Haha. Yeah.

I think the reason that Jesus was crucified was because he represented freedom, or in other words independence. Independence in its purest form; freedom from all judgement but God's. Freedom even from one's own self-judgement. But this would defy both the patriarchal system of government and of religion, so these systems killed this man for basically thinking and living on the next level. 

Satan.

I read a really good book called "The War of Art" in which the guy talks about the principle of Resistance. The thing where every action has an equal and opposite reaction. I think this is true with everything in life. Basically anytime you're ever going to do something, there are going to be forces at work to try to push in the opposite direction. I'm not really saying that these forces are going to necessarily exist outside of yourself, but it's possible. This is just how life works. I honestly think that the creators of Mormonism were on some next-level Satanic shit. Have you guys seen the Nauvoo temple? Check it:

Yeah, there are inverted pentagrams all over it. I'm fairly sure Joseph Smith actually was a Satanist. It would make sense. He grew up really immersed in the occult, and now that I've immersed myself in it all these years I've come to understand what Satanism actually is. Anton LaVey, the founder of the Church of Satan, defined a true Black Mass thusly in the Satanic Bible:

"A black mass, today, would consist of the blaspheming of such "sacred" topics as Eastern mysticism, psychiatry, the psychedelic movement, ultra-liberalism, etc. Patriotism would be championed, drugs and their gurus would be defiled, acultural militants would be deified, and the decadence of ecclesiastical theologies might even be given a Satanic boost."

So basically he's saying the true church of Satan isn't necessarily the one that walks around going "hail Satan!" The true church of Satan is the one that abhors truth, light and progress (Christ) and embraces the darkness of ignorance, the mists of deception, and as I defined Satan earlier, the principle of Resistance. By aligning itself morally with the politics of the American right, the Mormon Church has wholeheartedly embraced all of the latter and thereby become the true Church of Satan.

Fate.
I have come to totally reject the concept that anything is predestined to happen before it happens, and I actually think that this is one of the most Luciferian aspects of Mormon doctrine. When you're about 16 or 17 (I was about to leave on my mission when I got mine) you get something called a patriarchal blessing. This is a blessing that supposedly tells you everything that's going to happen to you in your life if you are faithful and worthy enough. Mormonism totally embraces the philosophy of "everything happens for a reason," and flipping this way of thinking around is very important for someone leaving Mormonism. What you have to realize is that this way of thinking is responsible for most of the terrible things that have happened to people in the world. This is the aspect of God that is most destructive to people. For instance, when Christopher Columbus came to America, it was just a random thing that happened that could've been good or bad, like the farmer from the zen parable I quoted a couple of blog posts back. Now, we can argue about whether it was a good or bad thing but the reality is that a lot, hundreds of thousands if not millions, of people were killed and raped because Columbus showed up and took their land. Columbus is seen as a total hero in the Book of Mormon, which "predicts" him sailing gloriously to the new world and preparing it as a place for the gospel to be restored. The Book of Mormon is largely a love letter to the concept of manifest destiny. 

"I will be a second Mohammed to this generation…whose motto, in treating for peace, was 'the Alcoran [Koran] or the Sword,' so shall it be eventually with us, 'Joseph Smith or the Sword.’" -Joseph Smith

This way of thinking was eventually checked by the Mountain Meadows Massacre incident, which is a weird thing to read about. Mormons sneakin' around dressed like Indians. They can't be straightforward in anything, They've always got to be sneaking around double-talking. 

In conclusion. If you can sit still all alone and feel ok, then you have found Christ. That's what I think. Finding Christ is about finding the still point, that point that existed before time and space came into existence, that one single point that is the I AM, finding that point in the deepest parts of your being. When you access that, you have accessed Christ, and you can begin to have light in your mind. Your eyes will be like windows to light because you have understanding. When you start to live your life according to what you personally believe is right and wrong, rather than according to what you're told, then you have integrity of character. This is all enlightenment is, and finding Christ. It's having the inner light to know right from wrong and actually do what you really feel is right, not try to seek out the approval of others.